gently.
Wowowow. What a lapse! I’m attributing it to the cesspool of interviewing and being in my childhood hometown, catching up on things like DIY car washing and watching the Giants champion. I’ve been wanting to come back to this space, but not sure what that would look like while getting used to all that is new around these parts. Turns out that it looks like a lot of procrastination¬; I’ll have ‘write things’ on every to-do list everyday, and yet even dealing with the IRS looks more attractive than having to face a blank screen. Alas.
I just finished Meg Wolitzer’s ‘The Interestings’ and can’t seem to shake it. It’s sharp, aptly paced, and full of insight that feels like home; and when an emo song comes on my playlist, I think of its characters and miss them. Maybe because I was a theatre kid not too long ago and have since left it altogether? Maybe because the ending of the novel mirrors how the world is feeling lately: finite, aging, maybe a bit lonely?
And so, I’ve been thinking more about death lately, which is always fun (not to mention, I’m in good company with all our favorite writer and feminist, Lena Dunham. Her new book is all swoon). As a lifelong and recovering hypochondriac, it’s not a foreign trail of thought to go down, but I would never say it’s a welcome one. After (surviving) many an airplane, train, and boat ride abroad, I was momentarily feeling great about mortality and the like– more at peace with its closeness, and perhaps even braver than before. But I’ve been spending so much time with my immediate and extended family, which has been fun and comforting, and also punctuated by illness and endings every so often by people we love, by those we will miss. Not to mention all that is happening in the world: ISIS and Ebola and sickness everywhere. And moreover, I’m living where I grew up, which means that it’s undeniable how much time has passed since this memory or that one.
When fear starts to take hold, I try to practice the art of treating my irrational fear as a part of me, a person I can invite to the table and ask why it’s there, what its purpose is. Fear of all things death, why are you here now of all times? What is it about being home that provokes you? How can I calm you down?
In other news, Austin is still in Spain (to return at the end of this month!), I am thankful beyond thankful to have a job lined up that I’m excited about, and photos from Spain are now on this blog! Right here! Just click on the ‘travel photography’ section and take a gander. More from Asia and the rest of Europe will be up soon, but for now it’s a good start and in line with my newly adopted mantra of taking things gently– accepting that life in the Bay will take hold with time and not in a few weeks, accepting that questions about career and calling have to be lived to their answers and not the other way around, and that maybe taking the next right step is plenty enough.
